I cried more tears in my 22nd year of life than all the years before combined.
My boyfriend of four years and I broke up a few days after my 22nd birthday, and just a few days before New Years. I rang in 2010 sobbing into a pillow on my parents bed, while Auld Lang Syne and cheers erupted from downstairs.
Things went dark.
Deep depression and anxiety overwhelmed me for months to follow.
My roommates had to encourage me to get out of bed to go to class. I wondered what value my life had, graduating and going out into the world unattached and without the expected promise of marriage I had always counted on.
I graduated that semester with a degree I wasn’t passionate about. I moved home where I had few to no friends. I started graduate school and decided after one semester I didn’t want to continue. I got four part time jobs, and had no clue what was next. To say that I was lost and never thought I’d find my way is a severe understatement.
But if I could go back and talk to that 22 year old girl, this is what I would tell her, and what I desperately want to tell you if you find yourself in that place today:
I know you’re scared, and I know it hurts beyond what you think you can bear, but it won’t always be this way. It won’t.
The hurt you feel today is the catalyst through which you are about to become someone you never knew you wanted to be, because she’ll be more than you ever dreamed you could be.
The plan that you had, the one that you thought was the best life you could have dreamt, is about to be blown out of the water, because God has even better is on its way.
I know you don’t believe it. It’s too hard to imagine what that life could look like, a life better than your plan. But I promise it’s about to happen, so it’s ok to let yourself trust Him.
Though today it may feel like the light has gone out in your life, you are hurdling toward a brighter tomorrow you never dreamed, and there is more fight, capacity, courage, and strength inside of you than you ever imagined, and you’re just about to find it.
So hold tight, sweet girl. So much good is coming, and if I told you what it was, you wouldn’t even believe it.